It is very easy to think that you have learnt from your mistakes. You probably haven’t.

Behavioural patterns run deep. Their nature is to repeat, they are not localised to specific people, places, and circumstances.

Repetition is a prerequisite to real change. Pattern recognition requires more than one event. You have to study very carefully – beyond superficial analysis – the source of the repeated patterns across the variable of events in your life.

Things need to keep happening to you in order for you to see what things you are making happen.

You cannot superficially look back at just one situation with 20/20 hindsight and believe that, because you know (with hindsight) what you did wrong and what you could have done better, you are capable of doing right and better next time.

The actions which describe the mistake are the consequence of a deeper problem, so it is not enough to analyse the better course of action in that situation. You have to question what caused the action in the first place.

What is driving you into hell? How can you turn the other way?

If you are honest enough with yourself, the post-mortem should be confronting. It should feel uncomfortable. It is far easier to blame other people, events and circumstances than it is to face up to your own defects.

But when you do, real change begins.